JUST TAKING A BREAK ... AND STOPPING TO MUSE FOR A MINUTE

I have always loved Thomas Kinkade's work.  I can always imagine myself walking up the lane towards the house or the church in the painting, or walking across the bridge or peeking in through the window, or even imagining what it must look like inside - if it were real of course.  I can imagine it being warm and cozy inside, with fragrance wafting throughout the house from the baking going on in the kitchen, or young and old alike sitting by the fireplace with hot cocoa laughing and maybe reading or singing after being outside in the cold making  a snowman.

A good artist will do that.  Pull you in to their work.  Make you 'feel' as though you are a part of their creation.  I have noticed in my almost half a century on this planet that there are actually very few that have that ability.  Many have very lovely talent.  But that part of the gift seems lacking.  Thomas Kinkade had it.  In my opinion of course.  

Isn't it funny how thoughts of warm and cozy seem to lend themselves easily with family and laughter?  I wonder how many look at something like a Thomas Kinkade or a Norman Rockwell and think of the house being empty?  Or with only one person inhabiting it's rooms?  Probably not very many.

That is the journey I am on.  Learning to make my abode a home for one.  One plus 2 cats, 3 dogs and 3 birds.  I think I'm getting there.  I don't feel it quite as hard when I come in alone at night and have that 'I'm the only one here' feeling.  I must be adjusting.  I came in late last night and suddenly I heard a 'beep' that wasn't familiar to me.  I froze.  I wondered if I had uninvited company and my alarm system was trying to tell me something.  But everything seemed so 'normal'.  With great caution I took a quick look around the house and it was only just me and the livestock.  It must have been my phone telling me I had a message.  'Normal' to be alone here now.  Without realizing it I guess I have come a long way.  Home really is where the heart is, isn't it?!

Today I have been decorating the tree.  I let my cat take off with a ball ornament.  That keeps her distracted away from what I am trying to accomplish.  I have the fireside channel on with the Christmas music playing.  I'm going to make some shortbread.  I like shortbread almost as much as I like Thomas Kinkade's artistry.  Too bad he never painted a picture of shortbread.  I only let myself indulge in it at this time of year because of all that sugar, and there is no shortage of sugar being passed around right now.  I guess shortbread is one of those things I will keep a Christmas Tradition along with the Christmas tree and letting my cat take off with an ornament.

Thomas Kinkade passed away this year.  I don't think he was yet 60 years old.  They said he died of natural causes.  Natural causes at that age?  I'm sure he had much more creativity stored up in him than what we will ever have the privilege of seeing now that he is gone.  It's a good thing he was able to express it while he was here since his time here was much too short.  If I am any example of how his work was able to inspire people I'm sure he was able to reach many with with a warmth that maybe they thought was long gone from their soul.  Just goes to show - make the most of your journey while you're on it because someday will be the last day.  We really don't know who all we really do inspire, just by being who we are and doing what God has placed inside us.

I think I will get back to my tree and decorations and my cat now.  I hadn't planned on taking a break, but I'm glad I did.  I'm always as surprised as anyone when I see where my blogs have taken me.  

Maybe later I will go dig out my Thomas Kinkade 'stuff' and climb aboard a dream train.

Have a very Merry 'you are one of a kind' CHRISTmas.

xo

IS IT CHRISTMAS ALREADY?

Does that really say April 10?  Wowzers!  I can hardly believe that.  I wasn't even home yet when I blogged that one and here it is Christmas.  

It's funny.  Not funny 'ha-ha'.  Funny ironic.  I see the scripture I posted is the scripture verse the Lord is still speaking to me once again.  Maybe I didn't get it after all.  Or maybe I just need to get it some more, or again. 

There has been a lot of water under the bridge since April.   I got back home shortly after I posted that and it has been a real roller coaster ride.  It took me a while to find a job and when I finally got a job the hours weren't what I expected, and it only lasted 2 months.  Then it took  a while to get another job.  That one was better than the first, but they don't work through winter, so I'm back to job hunting again.  I have had water problems ever since before I returned home - actually not really water problems - leak problems more like it.  That proved to be very expensive.  The water bills alone were enough to keep me on edge.  But I think I'm through the worst of that now.  I have had trouble getting some of the utilities transferred into my name.  There seems to be much confusion in that area, why I don't know.  In the midst of my employment issues and unemployment issues and not as many hours of work as I thought and water bills that were almost 'other worldly' I managed to more or less keep up with everything, except for the telephone, which is also the same company that provides t.v service.  I did fall behind a couple months on that but I always managed to put something on the bill.  So what did they do but threaten to disconnect me.  I felt like someone clobbered me  between the eyes.  After all the juggling and scrimping I had to do to make sure to put something on that bill so it wouldn't get too far ahead of me now they were threatening to cut me off.  I prayed very earnestly about that one, and I notice that the cut-off day has come and gone and I still have service so I guess the Lord must have seen it my way.  My computer crashed and the last job I had  pretty much revolved around computers.  My sister and her hubby blessed me with a brand new lap top so I could keep going, which is how I am on here now.  When I feel very low about the whole situation I stop on purpose to remember how the Lord has  seen me through every day since April.  Somehow the water bills got paid, somehow I managed to come up with money to pay the other bills, I have never been without food in the house.  Somehow I managed to come up with just enough money to give to my family members for a Christmas gift.  Not a great big sum of money.  Not anywhere near as much as I would have liked, but at least something.  

'Somehow'.  I should be saying 'Someone'.  Jesus, the One we celebrate.  

I must admit that Christmas for me this year is presenting a little more of a challenge for me.  Mom isn't here to celebrate with this year, and she never will be again.  I miss her so very much, and at times I am very lonesome for her.  And my financial challenges and shortfalls have not been an easy load to carry all by myself.  I guess Jesus knew they wouldn't be.  I guess that's why He commands us in His word to let Him do the carrying.  But I think I am seeing another 'something'.  'Someone'.  I am not alone in the world.  He is nearer to me than my next breath.  He always has been.  In the midst of my anxieties and  panic attacks and all the tears, nothing ever stopped Him from caring for me and taking care of me.  It hasn't been easy.  I don't want to say it has been the year from hell, but ... 
And yet, I have seen His dealings with me in a way I never did before.  I have never had any of this to do before.  Just about everything I do now is a first for me, and He is taking me through it.  A real learning experience for sure.  

I am seeing again why I celebrate Jesus at Christmastime.  Because He did come as a baby, but He didn't stay a baby.  He is the resurrected Son of God, the Lord of Glory, at the right hand of the Father, the Keeper of my heart.  The Keeper of my Heart.

I think it's is just fine to enjoy this special season.  What a lot of people call materialism I call celebrating.  Give the gifts, whatever you can afford to do, do it in love.  Eat the chocolates, do the baking, gather with friends and family and enjoy each other.  Do it!!!  If it wasn't for Jesus we would all be done for, so just go ahead and be happy.  Decorate and bake and eat special food and do it with this thought in mind:  'SOMEONE' loves me.  And HE went to great lengths to show that love, and I give myself permission to be happy about it, extravagant even.  And what's more, the SOMEONE who so loved that He gave will continue to care for me after the tree comes down and the power bill comes in and I have to look for another job some more.

This has been a long blog.  8 months coming.  Hopefully it won't be another 8 months before I'm back.  Hopefully I will be able to report before too long that my financial woes have turned to dancing and I have a job that both pays and lasts.

Have yourselves a very MERRY CHRIST-MAS!

xo

MAYBE HE'S TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING ...

For several months, actually closer to a year now, this one scripture verse has repeatedly come up to me.  The first time was just before Mom and I made the decision to spend the winter with my sister and her husband.  Many times since then, one way or the other, the Lord would bring this scripture to my attention.  The most recent was just yesterday.  So I decided I would turn it into a picture and post it.  Since it is apparent to me that the Lord is trying to get through to me it behooves me to keep it before my eyes and in my thoughts. 

That is proving to be not as easy as I thought.  My thoughts these days are strange (even to me).  Someone has suggested that perhaps I should consider grief counseling.  At first I rejected the idea.  I think I know everything I want to know about grief.  But something they said 'hit' me.  'It might help you get some control back'.  Yes, that pretty much sums up the whole of my feelings right now.  I feel as if I am drifting around in outer space - there's nothing to grab hold of, no where to get a foot hold.  Like treading water or trying to walk in shifting sand.  I know that I know the Lord better than that.  Yet somehow through all of this it's almost as if I have become ... disjointed, unsettled, disconnected.

I am going to be heading back home in a few days.  I still don't have a job there though.  Hopefully the Lord will be pleased to lead me to the perfect job for me right away.  I don't know what the days ahead hold for me.  I think it will be bitter sweet at first.  Being there without Mom and all that.  But it was our home and now it is my home.

I don't know if I will be trying to get grief counseling or not.  Perhaps.  I will see.  When things sort of settle down a little.  But I do know one thing I am going to do.  I am going to do this scripture - with God's help.

Much love to you as I take one more step in my spiral upward ...

My lettering didn't show up as well as I had hoped.  I hope they are readable.

I THINK I'M STARTING TO GET IT NOW ???

After over a year of being on Blogger I'm starting to get the hang of decorating it and making it my own.  Finally.  Ok, so I might be a little slow sometimes, but I do get around to it.  Eventually. I have even added a music player.  Not sure it works though.  Guess we shall see.

I was looking back at some of my blogs and I had started to introduce some of my 'fur and feather' kids so today I'm going to spotlight another member of my little family.

  
This is Guy.  Guy came to be with us about 6 years ago.  One day when we were in the vet's office Mom was in the back and Guy was back there in a kennel.  He wasn't in very good shape.  He was thin and his coat left somewhat to be desired, and it appeared that his hip/leg had been broken and had not healed correctly.  If you got too close to touching his leg he would growl at you.  In spite of their best efforts they had been unable to find a home for him and he was slated to be put down in a few days.  So Mom claimed him for her own.  She decided to name him 'Guy' because he was her 'guy'.  Actually, I think he owned both of us.  The vet said they thought he was about 18 months, but we figured him to be much younger than that.  Probably closer to under a year.

We had a lot of trouble with Guy for the first couple of years.  He kept running off on us.  And we would go out looking for him.  Usually we would find him somewhere where children might gather, like the school yard or the playground.  After a while the neighbors and town people would see him and call us or just bring him home, and shortly after that he started finding his way home by himself.  It was almost as if he was looking for something - or someone.  He doesn't do a whole lot of that anymore.  It has dawned on him that everything - and everyone - he needs is right where he already is.  There's no place like home!

It was trying to get Guy to eat at first.  At first he would just sit back and look at the dish.  For as thin as he was he acted almost afraid to go to the dish and take out of it.  And even yet if you put something on a plate you have to almost stick it right under his nose and only then will he take a nibble off of it, but then he backs right away again.  I don't know what happened to him to cause him to be that way.  I'm not too sure I want to know.  It would probably hurt my feelings too much.  Before Guy goes outside he goes to the food dish and eats a little, and sometimes he takes some out with him.  I guess he remembers when he was hungry so he eats for the journey even all these years later.  I just wait for him to be finished.  After all, I'm not in that big of a hurry.  I must admit that Guy is getting a little overweight and is starting to get a roll on the back of his neck.  Somehow we are going to have to find a way to trim off some excess without actually withdrawing the food and making bad memories come back to him.

One day Guy got his nails stuck together and I had to get them apart.  He growled at me when I had to touch his foot, but as I gently spoke to him, and was very careful to be gentle with him he stopped.  He does let me pet his hip and leg since then.  I guess it finally got through to him that day that I'm not going to hurt him.

Guy is very tenderhearted and has never really been what you would call disciplined.  I guess we figured after all it appeared he had been through he didn't need anymore hard-tack so we tried to just guide and direct.  Some may think he is undisciplined and spoiled, which he is, but we know the inside story.

Since Mom has gone to live in Heaven sometimes Guy will  sit at my feet and stare at me.  Sometimes his eyes are sad; sometimes bewildered.  It is at those times that I say to him 'I think we need some lap time' and I invite him to jump up on my knee.  He will cuddle close to me, and I hug him and tell him everything is all right.  He's my Guy.  

I guess we have come full circle.  From running away from me to running to me.  From trying to find something somewhere else to coming to me to get what he needs.  From being afraid to eat, to having all he wants - and then some.  Kind of like me and my Heavenly Father.  Learning He is my 'all in all' and learning to trust Him that not only is He not going to hurt me, but He wants to be the Provider of all that I could need.  Especially now that the vacant spot that Mom left needs filled by someone I can trust and turn to.  And to think ... my dog caught on before I did.

Yes, I think I'm starting to get it now ...

'Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest, [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]

Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls.

For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good-not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.

Matthew 11:28-30 Amplified Bible

Just one more step in the Chronicles of my spiral upward ...

Much love to you from the Future ...  :)

... FUNNY, ISN'T IT ...

Life is...  I haven't blogged for nearly a year.  Things can go so fast, and I don't know where the time flew away to.

I was just looking at my last post.  My Mom's Dr. report came back clean.  No tumor.  No cancer.  Just a small scar where it used to be.  A medical miracle.  Boy, you should have seen what a happy family we were!

But that was then.  Things are different now.  Very different.  Mom passed away on February 18, 2012.  The 'c' word returned with a vengeance and before we really even knew what was wrong with her she was in the final stages.

Mom lives in Heaven now.  I know that.  Mom is beholding the face of Jesus.  I know that.  One day I will join her.  I know that.  I am comforted by that.  But right now ... boy, do I ever miss her.

Mom and I go back a long ways.  Almost 50 years.  (Yes, I'm closer to 50 than 45).  We've been roomies for all that time except for 4 months when I was 17 and I had a job 100 miles away from home.  We both had our quirks, our own personalities that were as different as night and day, and yet in a unique way we kind of fit each other.  Mom deposited a lot into me.  Sometimes I didn't think I was listening.  Sometimes I wasn't listening on purpose.  But here it is, right when I need it.  Don't think that because someone doesn't seem to be listening that you have failed to reach them.  Just keep making those deposits anyway.  You and they don't know when they will need to draw on what they don't even know is there to manage another day. You might not even be around when the fruit of it appears in their lives.  But it will appear.

It's funny the difference a day can make.  Yesterday and this morning we were in the throws of a blizzard.  The blowing snow has stopped now, a fellow came in with his snow plow and plowed out the drive-way.  It only took him about a split minute, and it's already warming up.  Saturday is supposed to be +9 C.

Suddenly my whole world is different.  I will adjust.  I have been adjusting.  It takes one thought at a time, one feeling at a time.  I saw a comment on my friend Nita's blog today.  'One step at a time'.  It's ok.  I can only take one step at a time anyway.  One step at a time I will make it through this 'blizzard'.  The Son is shining, though sometimes the clouds and blowing snow hide Him.  

I will feel the warmth of His love on my face again, even if right now I have to take it by faith.  That's ok too.  And things will warm up for me again.  And it probably won't take that long.  It's funny the difference a day can make.

I hope you haven't been made to feel sad reading this.  Mostly it's just my jumbled thoughts.  One minute I'm thinking one thing and the next minute I'm thinking something else.  I'm not putting any pressure on myself to be 'super-dude'.  'One step at a time'.  Mom is with Jesus, and Jesus is with me as He always was before.  And His arm is not too short to see me through the days ahead.  Besides, Mom is probably up there praying for me.  :)

There is really no where for me to end this blog because my journey is by and large still ahead of me.  Prayers are very much appreciated.

Have a beautiful day/evening, depending on where you live.

Much love to you ...