IS IT CHRISTMAS ALREADY?

Does that really say April 10?  Wowzers!  I can hardly believe that.  I wasn't even home yet when I blogged that one and here it is Christmas.  

It's funny.  Not funny 'ha-ha'.  Funny ironic.  I see the scripture I posted is the scripture verse the Lord is still speaking to me once again.  Maybe I didn't get it after all.  Or maybe I just need to get it some more, or again. 

There has been a lot of water under the bridge since April.   I got back home shortly after I posted that and it has been a real roller coaster ride.  It took me a while to find a job and when I finally got a job the hours weren't what I expected, and it only lasted 2 months.  Then it took  a while to get another job.  That one was better than the first, but they don't work through winter, so I'm back to job hunting again.  I have had water problems ever since before I returned home - actually not really water problems - leak problems more like it.  That proved to be very expensive.  The water bills alone were enough to keep me on edge.  But I think I'm through the worst of that now.  I have had trouble getting some of the utilities transferred into my name.  There seems to be much confusion in that area, why I don't know.  In the midst of my employment issues and unemployment issues and not as many hours of work as I thought and water bills that were almost 'other worldly' I managed to more or less keep up with everything, except for the telephone, which is also the same company that provides t.v service.  I did fall behind a couple months on that but I always managed to put something on the bill.  So what did they do but threaten to disconnect me.  I felt like someone clobbered me  between the eyes.  After all the juggling and scrimping I had to do to make sure to put something on that bill so it wouldn't get too far ahead of me now they were threatening to cut me off.  I prayed very earnestly about that one, and I notice that the cut-off day has come and gone and I still have service so I guess the Lord must have seen it my way.  My computer crashed and the last job I had  pretty much revolved around computers.  My sister and her hubby blessed me with a brand new lap top so I could keep going, which is how I am on here now.  When I feel very low about the whole situation I stop on purpose to remember how the Lord has  seen me through every day since April.  Somehow the water bills got paid, somehow I managed to come up with money to pay the other bills, I have never been without food in the house.  Somehow I managed to come up with just enough money to give to my family members for a Christmas gift.  Not a great big sum of money.  Not anywhere near as much as I would have liked, but at least something.  

'Somehow'.  I should be saying 'Someone'.  Jesus, the One we celebrate.  

I must admit that Christmas for me this year is presenting a little more of a challenge for me.  Mom isn't here to celebrate with this year, and she never will be again.  I miss her so very much, and at times I am very lonesome for her.  And my financial challenges and shortfalls have not been an easy load to carry all by myself.  I guess Jesus knew they wouldn't be.  I guess that's why He commands us in His word to let Him do the carrying.  But I think I am seeing another 'something'.  'Someone'.  I am not alone in the world.  He is nearer to me than my next breath.  He always has been.  In the midst of my anxieties and  panic attacks and all the tears, nothing ever stopped Him from caring for me and taking care of me.  It hasn't been easy.  I don't want to say it has been the year from hell, but ... 
And yet, I have seen His dealings with me in a way I never did before.  I have never had any of this to do before.  Just about everything I do now is a first for me, and He is taking me through it.  A real learning experience for sure.  

I am seeing again why I celebrate Jesus at Christmastime.  Because He did come as a baby, but He didn't stay a baby.  He is the resurrected Son of God, the Lord of Glory, at the right hand of the Father, the Keeper of my heart.  The Keeper of my Heart.

I think it's is just fine to enjoy this special season.  What a lot of people call materialism I call celebrating.  Give the gifts, whatever you can afford to do, do it in love.  Eat the chocolates, do the baking, gather with friends and family and enjoy each other.  Do it!!!  If it wasn't for Jesus we would all be done for, so just go ahead and be happy.  Decorate and bake and eat special food and do it with this thought in mind:  'SOMEONE' loves me.  And HE went to great lengths to show that love, and I give myself permission to be happy about it, extravagant even.  And what's more, the SOMEONE who so loved that He gave will continue to care for me after the tree comes down and the power bill comes in and I have to look for another job some more.

This has been a long blog.  8 months coming.  Hopefully it won't be another 8 months before I'm back.  Hopefully I will be able to report before too long that my financial woes have turned to dancing and I have a job that both pays and lasts.

Have yourselves a very MERRY CHRIST-MAS!

xo